


I'm Still Fond of You

by iwachans



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Lots of Angst, M/M, thats p much it sorry, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 20:11:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3950131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwachans/pseuds/iwachans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>『Just like the story I loved, if only I could be by your side, so gentle yet so cruel,<br/>I kept repeating "I love you", to where the dream continues, the world―.』</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Still Fond of You

**Author's Note:**

> tfw ur first fic over 1000 word count is angst  
> (unedited, lyrics from sasakure.UK's "Shinkai no Little Cry")

Strangers. Friends. Best friends. Lovers. Strangers.

 

_**Strangers** _

_I want to be_ _fascinated_

_By the place where dreams continue-_

_The world_

 

The first time he meets Kei he thinks he's seen an angel. Tadashi’s eyes, blurry and caked in dirt from when he hit the hard ground, are shimmering with tears, and they seemingly illuminate Kei’s form. The bullies are almost not an issue at the moment, until the realization hits him hard. He could be the one that put them up to this in the first place.

All the tormenting, the sneers and shouts that chipped away at Tadashi’s defenses, what if they were all ordered by the tall, blonde boy? Tadashi is wired, the urge to dash and abandon his dignity was tempting. Yet, he was transfixed to the spot, sitting on the earth and clutching his backpack, staring up at Kei, unsure of his intentions, and focuses on his appearance.

_I was drowning_

_Deeper than the sea_

_Nice to meet you_

 His blonde hair glowed a brilliant white in the sunlight and his eyes, his beautiful golden eyes smoldered; Tadashi's heart fluttered and pounded against his ribcage, and he’s surprised when he learns the boy is not, in fact, a model or an angel, but another third grader that was eager to get home after school. Then a murmur of 'Pathetic' rolls off Kei's lips and Tadashi is in awe of the boy, pushing away the insecurity that had such a powerful grip on him.  He’s fascinated by Kei, the first person that’s stood up for him at all.

He thanks Kei for assisting him a few days later, and Tadashi’s heart swells in admiration when he thinks he sees a flash of interest in Kei’s eyes. They begin to speak more during class; Kei explains the differences between a Sauropodomorphas and a Sauropod, whatever that meant, while Tadashi traces the constellations his freckles formed that Kei showed him.

The brunet starts using “Tsukki” when talking to Kei, and a grin spreads on his face when Kei allows him to use the nickname. He chirps Tsukki’s name a hundred times a day, and Kei doesn’t mind much, only muttering the occasional, “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

_The one I chased and grasped_

_Was the cruel binary system_

Maybe, just maybe, Yamaguchi thinks, something could bloom from a friendship like this.

_I began to walk_

_**Friends** _

Tadashi thinks that they're friends.

Kei is cold, distant, demanding. Tadashi knows. Other students have told him such. They warn him that Kei is not a kind person; Tadashi brushes off their concerned remarks, unaffected by their words. Others tell him that he cannot hang around the blonde, that he was not good enough to be by his side; those comments are the ones that Tadashi repeats in his head in the late hours of the night when despair closes its claws over his heart, strangling him as he sobs.

He notices that Kei treats him differently, not as a lapdog (which Tadashi has been called too many times to count on his fingers) or something inadequate, but as an equal.

_Oh, falling rain , don't stop!_

As a friend. As a friend whom he shares his dinosaur encyclopedias with him, the friend he nonchalantly gives his soggy french fries to when he’s not hungry. The friend he awkwardly comforts when Tadashi is crying in the classroom.

_For I'm in love._

_My broken voice has withered_

Tadashi beams when he thinks about Kei, and he doesn't care what the other children say about them. He and Kei are close, and it means the world to him. He knows Kei considers him his friend, possibly his only friend, when the brunet sobs for him when he learns Akiteru has lied to Kei for years, and Kei only wraps his arms around the other boy and cries, too.

_**Best Friends** _

Elementary turns to middle school, and then to high school. In the blink of an eye, they've both shot up like trees and their voices become deeper; they've grown up.

Some things never change, though. Tadashi is still clumsy and can't rid himself of his cowlick, and he still calls for Tsukki thirty times a day; Kei is still awkward and smart-mouthed, and they still always find themselves at each other's side, making snarky comments and laughing obnoxiously when Kageyama takes a ball to the face during practice (well, Kei laughs. Tadashi giggles even though he almost has a heart attack when Kageyama’s nose bleeds profusely.)

He’s not sure when, but eventually, Kei realizes he’s starting to feel an attraction towards Tadashi. It doesn't bother him much; it was only a crush, after all. It would fade and die as quickly as it developed and he and Tadashi will not change.

_For I cried out loud, "I love you"_

Their routine has not changed. Volleyball, school, video games, and the like. But they occasionally reach for the other’s hand and will grasp it tightly, and the intimacy is almost suffocating, but their blushes are hidden by their scarves in the cold winter’s day, and neither comments on it or pulls away.

Kei realizes that this is a crush that will not dissipate. Tadashi has realized this years before Kei.

_It's all twisted_

_The truth and my feelings_

_It's all painted out_

Soon, the hand holding is not enough for either, but they don’t ask for anything more. Still, Kei will brush hair out of Tadashi’s eyes affectionately or Tadashi will lay his head on the blonde’s shoulder casually in the middle of practice.

The team is surprised to know that they’re not dating or married, even. The tension is killing everyone else, and one day Nishinoya decides he’s seen enough of the unintentional flirting between them and thinks he needs to step in and give them a push.

So he does. Literally. He takes a running start from the other side of the gym and leaps, feet hitting Kei’s back while he’s engaged in a conversation with Tadashi (as always) and the blonde tumbles forward, taking Tadashi down with him.

Their lips meet by accident. The gym is silent, and then erupts in laughter, cheers, and whistles. They pull away and sit up, faces flushed. Tadashi’s cowlick is stuck straight up, as if in shock, but he’s smiling; Kei looks like he’s ready to kill a man or cover his face with his hands and not move for a thousand years at the same time.

Tadashi thinks he can get used to this.

_Within the untransmitted reality_

_Contains happiness but also strength_

 

_**Lovers** _

They’re dating now, and it makes Tadashi ecstatic when he sits with Kei’s head in his lap thinking _I’m dating Tsukki_ and his heart soars. They hold hands in the hallways on the way to class every day and Tadashi can feel the glares of envy radiating off of Kei’s admirers and boring into his head, and he couldn’t care less. Kei makes him happy.

The only complication was the occasional handful of girls in their class still confessing to Kei or throwing crude insults at him, and Tadashi feels like he’s in elementary again, except everyone’s a few years older and still very immature.

He’s not afraid, or at least, he tells himself, that Kei won’t dump him for one of his admirers. Someone better than him.

He never will. Kei always turns down the girls (or the occasional guy) confessing to him with sweet chocolate that he can’t stand, proclaiming that he’s already seeing someone and then curtly strolling out of the classroom.

Still, their daily routine is almost the same. Volleyball, school, video games, and the like. Only there’s more affection and the occasional tongue in Tadashi’s mouth, but they still laugh when Nishinoya shouts “Rolling Thunder!” during practice and Kei gives him his soggy french fries and it’s still the same people. Just the same Tadashi and Kei that they’ve known for years.

Kei sighs and buries his face into Tadashi’s shoulder. He really hopes nothing will change.

_The dropped knife_

_I can no longer grip it_

_Rather than such an ending, I want to become bubbles_

_Be gone, disappear!_

 

_『 _No, I think that is a small lie._ 』_

**_Strangers_ **

_I just wanted an excuse, my prince_

_Miracles, my voice, or even a magical kiss_

_I don't need any of it_

Years have passed and even though Tadashi is in college now he still looks at the pictures from his childhood years and breaks down. The pictures of he and Ke- Tsukishima are especially hard to look at, but sometimes he will still stare at them and thinks he’s fifteen again, kissing Tsukishima at two in the morning and waking up on the weekends when his parents aren’t home to see Tsukishima, with his neck covered in bruises and bite marks.

He forgets that he’s older now, that he was supposed to move on. He wishes he did, but he’s still plagued by the question that was still unanswered, the one Tsukishima refused to answer that day.

_Why did you want to break it off?_

Tsukishima never bothered to give him a response, and Tadashi notices he’s more like the same kid he met in third grade all those years ago.

They face each other on the roof, the sun setting behind Tsukishima makes him glow, but Tadashi’s vision is tinted red and smeared with tears.

He knew Tsukishima had planned on attending a university in Tokyo, so was that it? Did he really break his heart like that simply because he wouldn’t be by his side constantly like they always were?

It hurts Tadashi. It really does. He would wait until the world ended for Tsukishima, so why did he just discard their relationship like it was weighing him down? Like it was drowning him?

_The noise of a crybaby_

_Should just become bubbles and disappear, disappear!_

Tadashi sighs, setting the pictures down so he can’t see them. He could just try to move on.

  _I know that I have to_

_Stand up with these feet_

He knew that he just couldn’t let go, though. He had to admit, he still loved Tsukishima.

_Both love and pain_

_I want to take them all in_

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door, and it surprises him. It wasn’t Hinata coming in to retrieve his forgotten apartment key, he knows. Hinata would have been body slamming the door frantically and shouting.

_I want to be fascinated_

_By the place where dreams continue-_

_The world_

Tadashi opens the door, and immediately his resolve breaks. He and the visitor are silent as Tadashi cries. He just barely manages to choke out the visitor’s name.

_I was drowning_

_Deeper than the sea_

_“Kei.”_

_Nice to meet you._

**Author's Note:**

> idek what a Sauropodomorphas is   
> is that a thing ??? i hope so  
> @ dinosaur nerds what is that


End file.
